“You can be mean when you look this clean,” he said.
After several delays on my return flight from New Orleans, I finally made it home around 10:30 p.m. that night. I was exhausted but couldn’t seem to wind down just yet, so I decided to text him. Just wanted to let him know I made it home and kind of feel out what he thought of our encounter. The excitement of the wedding was over. The glammed look was done. It was back to reality in Maryland and his reality in Houston. We texted a bit throughout the night until I finally decided to call because my fingers were starting to cramp!
We talked for over three hours and yes, I had to work the next morning! During the conversation I asked his first thoughts of my approach in asking him to dance at the wedding. In very simple terms he stated that most women approach him! I chuckled to myself. Yep! I kind of figured that! Because of his status, good looks, education, job, and financial security, the brother doesn’t have to do much work to get the ladies, so he doesn’t! He shared that he rarely approaches a woman, in fact, he’s only done it at most, two times!
Throughout the rest of the conversation the borderline self-confidence that I graced him with at the beginning of the night slowly turned into conceit and self-absorption. He shared that he enjoyed cooking and cooked very well. Even older women, mothers, have conceded to his cooking being better than theirs, particularly when it came to any New Orleans style cuisine. He even shared that he broke up with a woman because she invited him for dinner under false pretense that she could cook. When he entered her home he spotted Tyson chicken bags and her placing frozen chicken pieces in the oven, he was out!
I was waiting for it. The infamous question. So, can you cook? I was scared to answer! But hey, who is he that I should have to lie or feel intimidated? So I boldly answered, “ I can cook a little bit.”
I always back up my cooking by sharing what I lack in cooking, I make up in other places. (Get your minds out the gutters) I meant that I don't mind cleaning, washing clothes, and taking care of home. I even do a few handy-man, Do-It-Yourself things around the house. He proceeded to declare that he didn’t need a woman for those things. He does them himself. In fact, he mops and sweeps his bathroom floor EVERY night! I forgot to mention, he’s also a germaphobe!
The scene from the Best Man Holiday immediately flashed across my mind. You remember when Nia Long was outside talking to her boyfriend, that fine Eddie Cibrian, who was getting ready to leave her because he didn’t feel comfortable? He said, “You act like you don't need me.” She quickly replied, “I don’t.” He proceeded to place his bags in the car and he left!
What a dagger to the heart. This guy was Nia Long! Heck, he is most single, successful black females! I kept thinking to myself, "wow, he reminds me of what most men think of successful black women." We are above reproach because of our education and financial income and seemingly don't need a man because we got that covered too! He explained that he simply needed a woman to support and encourage him. And in my mind, I thought, yea, and to stay at home popping out babies, but he probably got that covered too!
Earlier this week while texting, he sent me a selfie of him in a suit. Now I believe in giving credit where credit is due! The brother looked good! Those tailored suits and his clean cut face made a sister smile, so I gave him a compliment. But then he started to send more pictures. Again, the brother looked good, but the quota of compliments were about to run out. So I fed into his picture battle and sent a few pics of my own. He wasn't the only one who could take cute selfies!
I finally got a compliment from him! I jokingly asked him,” Do you give up now?” His response, “ Never that, I love myself way too much not to have at least 50 more “classic man” shots!” I was done, because honestly, I believed him!
What can I say about this brother? He was a true “classic man.” Jidenna branded a song that defined him quite nicely. So much so that his church gave him a t-shirt that read “Classic Man” on it! He probably goes to the grocery in a full suit! But I’m so serious. I neglected to share in my previous post that he declined hanging out with me on Bourbon Street because he needed to be suited and booted. A t-shirt and sweat pants weren’t going to cut it! Heaven forbid he run into people he knew! The brother was really blowing me!
First impressions are everything, but I always try to gain perspective before jumping to full conclusions off the bat. He seemed like a overall great guy with good intentions and success in his front and rear view mirror. But the way in which he carried it was a bit much! Not to downplay his success in life at all. According to various statistics, for a black man to be college educated with a Masters degree, have a great job, a homeowner, make a great deal of money, on top of being well versed in the word of God and involved in church, is an awesome and wonderful accomplishment, and I am proud of him! In many cases he is a rarity. Most women would jump at the chance to be on his arm! But guess what, I also share in many, if not, all of those same accolades. But as a friend had to point out to me, I never felt the need to boast or divulge all of that information to him, nor did I get a real opportunity to do so. I’m confident that I look good, but I didn’t feel the need to send various pictures to solicit compliments for my ego.
I find it interesting that when men are of great prestige and success they are looked at as hot commodities and usually carry themselves as such. But a woman, particularly a black woman, with that same prestige is looked upon as intimidating, and stamped with the “single for life” brand upon her forehead.
I’ve learned to embrace and celebrate the success God has allowed me to achieve. But I’ve also learned to be humble in a manner that does not turn people away, particularly a man that I may find interest in. My “classic man” had me at hello, but lost me somewhere between a selfie and “I dont need a woman to…” Needless to say we haven’t spoken much since New Orleans, and it’s ok! No hard feelings and life goes on. But I’m thinking, my next wedding, I’ll just dance by myself and let him come to me! LOL
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