"How old are you?" she asked as she pressed around my stomach.
"I'm thirty," I said.
"Are you married?" she asked as she dug deeper into my stomach.
"No mam, I'm single," I said.
"Ok, well that's good, but you should get married soon, after thirty you start to lose value," she declared with a straight face!
I almost burst out laughing in her face! The audacity! But the sincerity! I came for an annual physical check up and I get relationship advice from an 80 year old Indian woman who was about 3 feet tall. She proceeded to tell me that men over 30 believe that women lose value and wouldn't look at them much after a certain age. Well, I'm three months into being thirty, guess I can kiss my self value goodbye. I should just wear all black and go into mourning with ashes on my face like they did in the bible days.
Everywhere you turn society is either scaring us into believing that after a certain age babies may be impossible or a high risk with complications. If you are educated and make a significant amount of income you are intimidating and should "dumb" yourself down or else men wont approach you. And if you're a Christian woman, you better just hold to God's unchanging hand!
I went in for a simple health physical, and walked out reevaluating my contentment status and life in general. Am I really content with my life right now? Kristin, remember, "Its Already Done!" We can really convince ourselves that we are in a good place, that God is enough, along with friends, family, career, etc. The truth is, contentment is a roller coaster experience, or more like a Ferris wheel. You may find yourself low, or at the bottom, anxious about life and the next steps; but as life keeps going, the ride gets higher and you find yourself content, happy about life, and not so anxious about what is to come. You're satisfied and happy where you are. Then life happens. You either slowly transition back to that low, unsatisfied, discontent place, or like a roller coaster, you hit the bottom fast and question how you got back to this place.
Between "Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart," and "But godliness with contentment is great gain," there is a struggle that happens. We ride the wave of "desires of your heart" but fail to add godliness to the contentment so that we may gain those desires. The struggle is really where we ultimately learn, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Many of us have desires, and for the majority of us, God placed them there. And believe me, I've had plenty of desires that were not of the Lord! But I'm certain that marriage is a desire that God placed in me. I can honestly say that I was not that girl that dreamed of a wedding since she was a kid and planned the entire wedding by the age of 18. Just within the last few years has the desire of marriage become strong for me; some from the outside pressure of society and peers, but I truly have a desire for marriage from a godly stand point. I see marriage as a ministry and birthing children as a privilege to bring forth life and raise kingdom kids who will make major impacts in this world.
God recently revealed to me that, although he places a desire within us, He is the prioritizer of those desires. The problem we have as humans is that we like to make our own priorities and we order things in our life with the help of society, television, and our peers around us. Marriage is not the only desire He has placed in my heart, yet I act and prioritize it like it is. I also desire to own my own business, write a book, travel, etc. Society tells me at the age of 30 it should be a priority. But God says, not yet. Its not at the top of his list right now. There is other work for me to do and some self healing to take place. And I am ok with that! It lets me know that my father knows what I need at this moment. A relationship and marriage is not it RIGHT NOW, but it is on His to-do list. And unlike us, His to-do list will ALWAYS get done, and in a timely manner!
Over these last few weeks God has revealed himself in such amazing ways and has opened up numerous opportunities for ministry. He has awakened some dormant desires and placed fire to others. I have work to do! So I'm going to "chill out." Continue to enjoy life. The doctor may have just been doing a check up and giving her advice, but God was giving me a well needed spiritual contentment check-up as well.
1 Timothy 6:6
1 Corinthians 12:9