Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Decisions,Decisions: Dating an Entrepreneur!

"I'm an entrepreneur," he said.

EVERYTHING in me tensed up! Every red flag went off and my security system shut down! Here we go again! Deja Vu! Can I really do this again?!

A previous boyfriend of mine was an entrepreneur, particularly in the network marketing realm. When we first started dating I thought it was a hobby or just a side hustle. He had a full time job but his passion was helping people find their purpose and passion while making money passively. He couldn't stand his nine to five job. He wasn't a nine to five kind of guy. Money was almost always funny and his dreams were bigger than his bank account.  I remember him selling his t.v to help pay bills, going without at times to pour into the business, mean while trying to be in a relationship with me!

I had just graduated from Physical Therapy school and started my first salary paying job! I was too excited to be making anything with more than two zeros behind it!  I wasn't a woman who asked for too much, but I desired security. I was working and providing for myself, but I desired a man who could treat me every once in a while. I wanted a man that could spoil me here and there. But most of all, I wanted a man who I thought could be my husband, the head of the household, and provide for our future family.

I grew up with a mother who taught me the essence of education and a "good" paying job. I didn't really know what it was to have big dreams or make life goals. My immediate goals were to graduate college and get a job to pay my bills and provide for myself. Outside of that, well, there wasn't much else. I prided myself on being "financially secure" and thought everyone else thought the same, until I met him.

I struggled through out the relationship.  Although I understood his passion and desire, I couldn't help but feel unhappy. We couldn't do a lot of things that other couples would do. His pursuit of his passion took up a majority of his time, and left me competing for quality time and attention. Many times I would offer to front the bill or pay for things just so we could go out and do things. But the male ego is a delicate monster that should not be disturbed.

I sought counsel from everyone! I desired to be that supportive girlfriend, that ride or die chick! I knew he just needed my love and support, but I couldn't fully grasp the vision he was casting.  The picture was cloudy with rain all around it! Needless to say, we didn't work out.

But its amazing the things you learn and how you grow over time. Although I was devastated for a while over the lost of that relationship, God began to reveal the lessons. I found myself making vision boards, and developing goals for the year. I found myself casting visions for what I desire and truly seeking to pursue my passion in life. Here I am almost three years later and I am looking to start my own company! Who would have thought! Absolutely not me! Job security was a must at all times! But God! Now I get a better understanding of the entrepreneurial mind set.

But then the test comes. I meet another guy who tells me he is an entrepreneur. The more we talk, I hear his passion and it resonates with me that he absolutely has the heart and mind of an entrepreneur. And go figure, its in the network marketing realm again! God is EXTRA funny sometimes!  But the closer we get, the more I begin to question myself. Can I really do this again? I'm definitely in a different space and mindset, but there are still some factors that concern me.  He's over 35 years old. He lives with his mother at the moment, but yet he desires marriage and a family. He is not working a full or part time job at the moment. The business is full time. And in talking to him, I absolutely get where he is in life right now. He discovered his passion late in life and made adjustments as needed to pursue it. His work ethic is amazing and most of all he has a heart for God and allows the Holy Spirit to lead him in all his endeavors. Yet, I still have concerns!

Particularly as I get older, I desire security even more. Does this make me a bad person? Do I come off as the gold digging type? Do I miss out on a good man because of a financial difference?

Ladies I wrestle with this dilemma constantly as of late. I've always desired for a man to tell me that I am his best friend, and he couldn't imagine life without me. I want us to dance and sing "started from the bottom now we here" together. I want to support his dreams and push him to the next level.  I want to see him succeed and fulfill his passion! But at the end of the day you must know and embrace what you can and can not deal with. What are you willing to sacrifice? Are you willing to adjust your list?

Don't be afraid to say, I can't do this or this may not be the relationship for me! But always seek God first. God is able to give us the grace to deal with things we absolutely couldn't fathom to deal with. I appreciate and respect the entrepreneurial man. There are so many different avenues of entrepreneurship outside of network marketing. Some simply seek to start their own business from the ground up.  Each still require time, money, and the support of a strong woman behind them.

Every good man is not for me, whether he is an entrepreneur or not. But I 'm learning to support, and look past my particular insecurities and hang ups to see the man and what he fully brings to the table.  I'm particularly looking to see what God has placed in that man and whether not I am the rib to that Adam. But even outside of romantic relationships, I seek to encourage and support my brothers and all those pursuing their own. It takes discipline, persistence, and resilience! And for that, many are called, but few are chosen!