No, she wasn't referring to smoking weed!!! She was referring to the main character of the BET series Being Mary Jane played by Gabrielle Union. Union's character, who I can relate to in more ways than one, places yellow sticky notes all over her house, particularly on her bed post, with positive affirmations and quotes that she reads every morning before going to work. Each show starts out with intriguing quotes from various people that foreshadow the shows theme.
It was my second session of counseling and I was truly enjoying the experience. The couch was amazing and my therapist was excellent. I felt comfortable and she was very comforting and encouraging.
"You're not that bad. What you're dealing with is fixable." she said.
The way I came in, I felt as though I was a doomed case! Ten to twelve sessions at the least! And I was prepared to talk it out. And as Iyanla would say, "do the work!" Did I mention that the couch was amazing!!! It was white and soft with beautiful pillows! But I digress.....If you can tell, I have a thing for comfortable furniture and pillows. They are actually VERY therapeutic!
As she asked me particular questions regarding my past relationships I was forced to face my true feelings. Truth was, I was afraid to date again. I felt like damaged goods. Apparently no one wants to deal with or have patience for someone with my issues. I didn't feel desirable. I started crying uncontrollably! What was happening!? This lady has me in here crying on the couch and it's only session two! But truthfully, I was so open and vulnerable. It was what I needed. And its nothing like being honest with yourself and feeling free. I was convincing myself and building a mask under false pretense.
She encouraged me to speak and think positive thoughts. Her reference to Mary Jane was actually quite applicable. I had already started an affirmation board in my bed room that I placed various quotes and scriptures upon. But the devil was definitely playing with my mind and emotions. I began to discredit, degrade, and doubt myself. All of who I knew I was was a figment of my imagination.
As I left the session I had a lot on my mind. I had to get back to me. And it was only going to come through constant positivity and affirmation of who I am and who God was forming me to be. With that said, being on this journey of healing and growth I crave positivity. I seek out positive people. I seek to be positive at all times. And I seek to find the positive perspective on all things. Now, I'm not perfect. It is definitely a journey, and I have my moments, but I'm striving.
But with all my positive seeking, I've become extremely sensitive to negative people and thoughts. Even music that is negative or contains a lot of cussing I can't tolerate. I find myself limiting my interaction and conversation with those who tend to speak negative, cuss and seek to pull me into their negative net. And sometimes its some of the closest people to you too!
It wasn't curiosity that killed the cat, it was negativity! People have a way of judging and casting comments for everything they don't understand or can't relate to. Curiosity says you are interested in learning and want to know more about a particular thing. Negativity says you look to criticize and have a pessimistic outlook about things.