“If you meet a great person who you wish would change, again, not the right person for you. They could be, but at the moment, as they are, they’re not. The right person for you is the person who wants what you want, and accepts you as you are and vice versa.” (excerpt from the article “3 Reasons You Haven't Attracted the Right Person Yet”)
“But do you accept me for who I am?” she asks. One of my friends uses this phrase more often than not. She simply desires that people accept her for who she is and it drives me crazy, especially when I feel like I have accepted her for who she is, crazy and all! But I think I’m starting to get it.
This quote hit me in a familiar place. How many times have I met a great guy, but wished that at least one thing was different about him? More specifically, as a Christian, how many times have I met a great man and simply wished they were saved, or at least a bit more serious about their spiritual walk? They present themselves with great qualities and have the potential to be a great husband, but the salvation piece is non-existent or on the back burner. Hey, it’s 2015. How about when you meet a great guy only to find out that he is gay and not checking for your team at all! Am I willing to walk away and be ok with the fact that “...they could be, but at the moment, as they are, they’re not [the one]?”
This applies to friendships and other relationships as well. What does it really mean to accept someone? It's simply amazing how much I’ve learned from being in relationship and practicing communication with my girlfriends. There was a time when I didn't even like to be around other females! But God! I’m learning practical application that I can someday apply to my next and final relationship (hint! hint!)
A particular friend and I had a recent disagreement and subconsciously began to drift apart. We didn't talk on the phone as much or even spend much time around each other, but the time was much needed! Under normal circumstances, I would’ve simply cut her off and kept it moving. It was simply my M.O. But when you take a look around and realize you have no friends, you start to reevaluate your coping methods. This time, God wouldn't allow me to let it go. I kept thinking about her and praying for her, still asking God, but why? Without a real explanation, other than God healed both of our hearts and used the space to bring clarity, we are back together again, talking on the phone and hanging like we use to. But it dawned on me that my accepting of her was under my own terms; I accepted her through the eyes of Kristin and not through God, and I, therefore, was not accepting her at all.
This was a hard pill to swallow and a hard truth to face. This article wasn't speaking of seeing a person as perfect, but simply accepting who they are at that very moment and desiring nothing more than what's presented. Do we really do that with anybody? We always desire change in people, or at least, I can be honest and say that I do. Is it judging? Sometimes, but most of the time, it's simply a desire to see something that you currently don't see but potentially know is there.
As women, we always desire to fix, change, and rearrange. It’s just apart of who we are and how we’re wired, but it's simply NOT OUR JOB! Most men and people in general just want to know that you accept them, respect them and will support them. But we must understand that if a man presents with fundamental differences at that very moment that don't line up with your fundamental truths, we must let him be! What I like most about that article is that it didn't say cut them off! It simply means to let them be! Don't get too invested. We can't force someone to be the one or get entangled in what we wish and desire would or could be. Shoulda, woulda, coulda killed the cat! The change will come with time. We can want more in the present only if what the present represents is potential with desire for change. A woman CANNOT change a man! She can only inspire and encourage and then support the changes that will come by his own desire and will.
Just like we can’t change a man, I couldn't change my friend, only God could. I can't keep looking for the perfect man or perfect friend with all their ducks in a row! Who actually has that anyway?! Clearly, not me! But I must look to God to show me how to bestow the same grace, mercy, and love that he has shown me, and let Him do the work! He’s a great matchmaker and a relationship expert. I trust Him, do you?