“The next guy I kiss will be my husband,” she said.
After I caught my breath and fixed my face I simply gave her that “if you say so” type smile and walked away thinking, “now how is that going to work!?
Although my initial thoughts were “EXTREMIST ALERT”, I had to respect and acknowledge that she was making an “extreme” decision because she was seeking “extreme” results, purity before marriage, which in this culture and society, unfortunately, is seriously considered extreme. It was her way of disciplining herself to maintain what is meant for her husband, not just a kiss, but all of her. But it always starts with a kiss….
Now I must say, I LOVE TO KISS!! Affection is my first, middle, and last name. I crave it. Kissing is intimate and passionate and I could do it ALL DAY! I’d even put it above sex! Literally! If there was an Olympic sport of kissing, I’d train all year and shoot for the gold!
Outside of lover of God, good looks, and intelligence, the brother I date has to be able to kiss. On the first date, while he talks and I listen intently, of course, I imagine whether or not I could kiss him. If there’s a hint of doubt, there’s little to no hope! You call it shallow. I call it risk management!
But I will admit with both hands up, kissing has gotten me into A LOT of trouble. “It” always starts with a kiss, then a touch, then a caress, then a grope, then, well, we know what comes next. It never fails. I remember one boyfriend and I agreed to only kiss in public places to keep from succumbing to our flesh. Well, that turned into just kissing in the car, which always seemed to lead back to the house, don't ask me how!
It’s been so long since I’ve even had a kiss, a good one! A toe curl, marry him tomorrow type kiss, and probably for good reason! I use to ask God to take away my sexual desire because I just couldn't seem to control myself around a guy I was physically attracted to and dating. I’m such a passionate person in general and the kiss just simply takes me there! So her idea of waiting to kiss her husband, as in on the wedding day, isn't such a bad idea after all!
I can't stress enough how the infamous definition of insanity: “doing the same thing and expecting a different result”, has transformed my entire life, particularly the way I date these days. I WANT TO BE A WIFE, not a wifey, a bae, or a boo thang, but a Proverbs 31, only woman to one man who loves me like Christ loves the church, type wife. And even above that, I want to please God and be an example to others. So choosing to be celibate and waiting until marriage is the sacrifice I am willing to make to glorify God.
It always starts with a kiss. Could I do it? I cringed even typing it. Let’s just say I know it to be possible because I’ve heard stories and actually met couples who didn’t kiss until their wedding day. When you ask them their story, they will say it was NOT easy but possible.
The fruit of self-discipline seems to fall far from the tree in this thing called life and dating. It’s a discipline that gets the best of us most of the time, if not all of the time, because we want what we want, when we want it, and absolutely how we want it. It's the American way, right? And all I keep hearing in my head is, “ And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” (Romans 12:2)
In this dating life, I’ve conformed because transforming just seems too hard. Renewing my mind takes work. And the good, acceptable, and perfect will of God seems uncomfortable and scary! So about that kissing thing again. I did mention it gets me into a lot of trouble, right? And because I clearly don't have a ring on my finger, my kissing obviously doesn't keep men around to put a ring on it, so why not try something different! Kissing celibacy anyone?
Now before I jump the gun, because it absolutely seems easier said than done, God had me look at it like this: As I prepare myself to be a wife and work on Kristin, I must also work on reserving myself for my husband. Meaning, these are his lips, his kiss, and ultimate his body that I may ultimately share my precious gift with. So, in essence, I’ve been giving his kisses away leaving nothing for the imagination, let alone the sanctity of marriage. So, with that thought in mind, I love Him and him enough to at least give this no kissing thing a strong consideration and attempt. And for clarity, I mean french kissing in particular ( I know some of you were already contemplating, now what type of kiss...lol)
At the end of the day, to each his own when it comes to boundaries and self-control in dating. But if you know that your personal boundaries and level of self-control has dwindled down to none when it comes to being celibate, why not try something different. See if the results bring you true happiness and God true glory. Join me on this journey and let’s keep each other accountable!
Are yall praying for me? God is up to something!