Sunday, September 27, 2015

Men Marry, Women Wait!

“I haven't gone more than 4 hours without hearing from him since the day we met,” she said.

I swooned, literally.

My follow up question, “ does he have a brother?”

I was catching up with an old friend and I couldn't help but smile from ear to ear as she described her boyfriend of 8 months. He seemed amazing, and she seemed in love. But then I began to think to myself, “4 hours huh?” There are men out there that still do that!?

It’s been awhile since I’ve had a man follow through with consistent phone calls, text, and/or dates.  Four hours?! I’m lucky right now if I can get a consistent 4 minutes, seconds, or days of anything! The art of follow through and consistency has dwindled to non-existent. It’s simply not what they do anymore. Well, let me take that back. It’s not what many of them do, because clearly she caught a great one! Shout out to all the consistent brothers! But as I asked more questions, because that’s what I do, I learned that he was in a more stable state of mind of settling down. He’d recently experienced a shift in his life that immediately catapulted his maturity. He now had to step into a provider role that I’m sure altered his mind on many different things, including women and relationships.  

So is that what it takes? Does a man have to encounter a major life alteration before he decides to settle down, commit, follow through, pursue, etc, or is it a one day epiphany they have and decide to get right and do right?  Or could it be that they encounter the right woman who inspires and sparks a change in their behavior and attitude?

I was talking to a guy friend the other day who was once married but has been single now for the past few years since his divorce.  He’s literally been doing his own thing; traveling with his boys and encountering his fair share of women, really not looking for any commitment but just to have a good time and intermittent companionship.  He began to share with me a conversation he recently had with God as he sat in his backyard and declared to the Lord that he was ready to settle down and find a wife, again. He asked God to prepare him and shut down any relationships that were not for him. The brother was talking to at least 4 women around that time and all of them began to fall to the waist side. Did I mention he also recently bought a house and is preparing for a promotion on his job. Major life events!

I was also able to catch up with another old male friend a few weekends ago who also shared that he was truly ready to be married, more than he’s ever been before. He talked to his pastor about it and is actively ready to pursue a committed relationship. He started a new job in the government and also had some breakthroughs in past relationships. Major life events! He also proceeded to let me know that he is open to being introduced and “hooked up” by his friends. Hint! Hint!

I’ve always gone with the theory that when a man is ready to get married, he does, but if a woman is ready to get married she waits! And all of these men seem to prove my point! As frustrating as it can be for us ladies in that waiting phase, I would rather take a ready man, than an unsteady, uncommitted, unreliable, and uncertain man any day! Fellas, take your time! It’s always been stated that men mature slower than women. I meet so many women who are ready to get married and demonstrate a right mindset, and are positioning themselves to be wives, yet, it only seems that many of the men are not yet at that place of settling down.

Could it also be the ratio of men to women? I read an article that stated in 39 states there’s a slightly higher number of women than men according to the 2013 US Census Bureau, Maryland being one of them. As a woman on the campus of Howard University, I was always told the ratio was 10:1, at least that’s what they say, and therefore the men had options! No need to settle down when the pickings were plenty!

Listen, we’ve all had our moments of “doing our thing”, both men and women, as well as dealing with our past baggage, or trying to pursue our dreams and goals; but there comes a time when reality hits and life becomes real. Do I want to keep playing games or settle down and start a family?  Games get old, but life only continues to get real. But I do also recognize that the value of family and marriage has diminished tremendously. Besides the fact that they’ve both been redefined by society, they were already on shaky ground before the shift.  If a man didn't have the privilege of growing up in a solid two parent home foundation or taught the value of family and the covenant of marriage, there’s no way we can expect him to now want to pursue a committed relationship or start a family with anyone!

So we continue to wait, and pray!  I’m truly continuing to learn about this thing called “waiting on God”. It takes work to wait! And ladies, if you’re sitting around waiting on a man to get and be ready, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE WAITING FOREVER. Keep your focus and wait on God, not a man!  God seems to have this timing thing down to a science.

SN: If you haven’t already, please go see the movie War Room! It will change your life! You want to know how to pray for a man, check this movie out! Your prayer life will never be the same!

So, although the male friends who declared they’re ready for marriage are not the men for me, go figure, I don't think God allowed me to hear their hearts and their desires for nothing. I’ll pray that God present their Eves to them, as I continue to wait on my Adam, who I really believe is around the corner. I’m praying that he is somewhere having his own conversation with God about his readiness to be married! In the meantime I’ll just be waiting, and working of course! Faith without works right??!! Oh, did I mention, I’ll be praying in my War Room too!