Wednesday, July 8, 2015

He's Getting Married!

“Did I miss something?” she texted along with a screenshot picture of my ex-boyfriend’s new fiancee and ring!

I was at a friends house hanging out when the text came through. But before I saw her text, I received various text messages from friends asking if I was OK. I was so confused. I hadn't been on Facebook and had no clue what was going.

If I can be very honest, I fell into my feelings for approximately 2 seconds and then I was good! We had been broken up for at least three years and I’ve been in at least two other relationships since him.  We were still cordial and spoke very infrequently. I was still friends with him and his mother on Facebook and there were absolutely no hard feelings. I was actually very happy for him! It had always been his desire to be married and now he has found the one!

But at one time I was “that one.”  We were together for approximately two years and actually attended a marriage class at his church together. Within the first few months of us dating, he proclaimed that I was the one and looked to progress toward marriage. I was excited and flattered. Although I wasn't as sure as he was, I eventually came to believe that he was “the one” as well. It was going to be me and him to the end. I loved his family and he was a good man. He was good to me. But it was simply just not meant to be.  

But it’s funny how you can make someone “the one” in your mind and feel so sure deep down in your soul! Only for God to remind you that His spirit and voice outweighs our emotional reflexes. I mean, we both loved God. Both were very involved in ministry, very involved with family, college educated, and had drive for success. Perfect match right? The difference was our roads to success. I was a 9 to 5 type girl and he was an entrepreneur. The two roads clashed like a collision on I-495. It was all bad. Communication became an issue, finances were always an issue, our paths slowly came to a fork in the road, and we went our separate ways.

But I must say out of every relationship I’ve been in, I learned the most from him. Once we broke up
and I finally stopped crying and feeling depressed (it took about a year), I asked God to show me what I was to learn from this experience. He began to reveal what it meant to have dreams and think bigger than what you could physically see. I began to read more books on leadership and positive thinking and open my mind to greater possibilities. I learned that from him. He read at least two books a month on leadership, finances, entrepreneurship,etc. I remember he would tape a check written out to himself for a million dollars on his steering wheel. We would ride through Potomac, MD and imagine ourselves living in one of the many mansions that lined the streets. He would even take pictures as we drove up close, meanwhile I'm praying no one calls the cops because two black people were taking pictures while riding in a black Camry at night.  

He had strong convictions about drinking alcohol and going to clubs. He lived that lifestyle for so long while in college and even after. So once he truly accepted Christ and became serious about his relationship, his desire to please God could leave no room for negative perceptions. While I on the other hand couldn't understand why he was being so stuck up and judgmental! I was all about the club and a drink here and there! Oh, but God! He began to stir conviction in me and opened my eyes to the bigger picture of Christianity as a visible walk that others analyze and admire. I became more conscious about my where abouts and drinking habits. Still a work in progress though!

So I said all that to say that I'm truly happy for him! I appreciate what our relationship was and the impact it had on my life.  The fact that he is engaged just sent me down memory lane. I don't regret our relationship and I truly believe God allowed me to experience him for a shift to happen in my life. I appreciate my friends who sought to check on me. I understand the initial reaction for most would be to feel hurt or embarrassed, especially if you're still single. It's an absolute normal feeling. Your reaction truly depends on the length of time you have been apart and your heart condition. If you placed a band-aid where surgery needed to take place, the pain will always be there. But if you do the work to bring healing to a lost relationship, you will find freedom from grudges, hurt, pain, and even a marriage proposal!

So as I continue to grow and learn, I will continue to be patient and await the day someone will send him a screenshot of my engagement ring, or maybe I’ll send it myself! LOL…..just kidding….or nah! Heck! I am sending it to everyone!