Monday, June 29, 2015

Distractions.....

“They’ll always come back around, “ she said.


I was recently sitting around talking to a friend one night about my fasting experience and the spontaneous distractions I’ve been receiving from various people. Isn’t it so funny when you decide to fast and the devil opens the floodgates of perfect distractions? When the scripture says he prowls like a roaring lion (1 Peter 5:8), it never lied! He’s sneaky but so obvious, yet we still fall for his tricks from time to time! One distraction in particular came from a guy I use to talk to months ago. You probably remember all the post concerning our relationship! “Expectation Monster” and “World War Me.” Him. The guy who cut the relationship short because he didn't have the patience to deal with me. Him! The relationship which prompted me to seek counseling. That one!


He text’d me out of the blue one night while I was working on a previous blog post. Now, once the relationship ended I did delete his number, not because I was mad or angry, but it was a way for me to let go and move on.  So I initially had no ideal who the text was from.


The funny thing is, I never removed him from any of my social media pages. Maybe that was my way of slightly holding on. Again, I was never angry that we broke up, just hurt and frustrated. I visited his page on Facebook or Instagram once or twice, just to see how life was going, and maybe just a little bit to see if he had moved on with someone else. No stalking, just constructive observation! We all do it!


And apparently he did it too! His text referred to pictures I recently posted on Facebook from the fashion shows I participated in. There was no initial “hello”, or “how are you.” He simply texted to tell me that my pictures looked great.


After I googled the area code and realized what state the text was from, my heart skipped two beats. I’m not even going to lie. I got a bit excited! I figured it could've been him, but I wasn't really sure, so I hit him with a text saying: “thanks….who is this?” He simply texted back his name. My heart skipped two more beats and my mind instantly started to race. What should I say? Should I strike up conversation? Why is he texting me now? Dang he was fine! Man I do miss him a little bit! Is he trying to get back with me?


I could see God shaking his head.  “There she goes.” “Come back my child, come back! Look into the light!” I was in the clouds for a good minute. How could I let one text shake me up? I went with my emotions instead of my instinct and attempted to engage him in awkward conversation. Either his ego was a bit bruised that I did not have his number saved, or he legitimately just wanted to let me know about my pictures and that was it.  I couldn't pull a conversation out of him to save my life! His answers were very short with no follow up questions or comments. I was doing all the initiating. What am I doing??! Then I simply had to look up at God and laugh out loud. “You know me so well God,” I said.


God knows that I am an emotional being. He knows that I’m curious and I still had a lingering thought that he could’ve been “the one.” God knew that if he allowed the conversation to flourish, I would’ve possibly jumped in slowly, but jumping none the less.  So he shut it down! I could see the devil crossing his arms and stomping away frustratingly, realizing that his distraction was counteracted by my father's love for me.  


But the question still lingers, why did he text me!? Over the years I’ve been in three relationships and each guy has come back at some point in my life. It’s like a boomerang effect. Is it that they want to know if they can still get you? Is it a way to simply interrupt your life? Was he just bored? What is it??


Needless to say, I was flattered by his text. I appreciated that he still appreciated my beauty and I left it at that. The girl still got it! And isn’t that we want anyway? We want our ex to know that we are doing well without them, and make them miss what they once had. Not in a vindictive way, but in a subtle, classy, “life goes on” sort of way.


The return of the ex arises so many emotions at one time. As women it can leave us confused and/or frustrated. The return can simply be a sign to test the reality of how moved on you are. It can also confirm why you are no longer together, or reopens a door that may need to be re-entered. All require guidance from God.  And although I almost fell for the distraction, his lack of follow through confirmed that the door needed to remain closed. I thank God that he snapped me back into reality.

This time of fasting and setting aside time with God has been a great period of clarity. I was able to breathe, think, and regroup.  This time ALWAYS allows you to get a grasp on who God is. He reveals himself in awesome ways that only equate to the true love he has for us! It is my goal to continue to stay sensitive to God’s spirit and incorporate fasting more frequently in my life schedule.  I’ll be ready for the next distraction, bring it on!