Monday, June 8, 2015

Too Much Too Soon!

“So I guess we can consider courting now?” he asked.

I pulled the phone back from my ear in disbelief. Did he just say what I think he said? Courting? Seriously?! We only went out on one date! I've heard of people moving too fast, and believe me I've been guilty of it a few times myself, but to bring up the word after one date and I don’t even know your last name, I was baffled!  

I felt the need to hear him out.  I just needed to know his definition of courting and how he could come to this conclusion off of one date! He explained that he believed courting began off the initial meeting of someone that you are interested in and it develops over time toward marriage. I wanted to call whatever pastor, minister, or teacher sold him this information. He was doomed in the dating world if he kept at the rate he was going. We clearly had different views and definitions when it came to this daunting word.  

But let me back up and give you a bit of backstory. I met him on one of the dating sites I recently joined. We exchanged numbers and talked on the phone over a period of two days. From the conversation I gathered that he was a Christian who had a real relationship with Christ. He said words like “tithing”, “fasting”, and “hermeneutics!” I was a little impressed. But ladies I didn't get too excited, words mean nothing without action to back it up, but it sure did sound like music to my ears. We had great conversation and talked about a little of everything.  We finally set up a date to have dinner one Sunday evening.

Prior to our meeting, I invited him to listen in on a radio show I was guest speaking on a few hours preceding our date. In hindsight, that might not have been the best idea! Although I am absolutely not ashamed of who I am, my writings, and my relationship with Christ, I think it might have given him
too much insight too early.  It was too early into our new and undeveloped, semi non-existent relationship to give him intimate access. My problem has always been that most men fall in love with the idea of me, but are unable to stick around when it comes to dealing and handling all of who I truly am.  I know what I bring to the table and I understand that men desire a “good” Christian woman, but this woman absolutely comes with flaws that most men aren't ready and willing to deal with.

Needless to say, this brother became smitten early!  At dinner we discussed the radio show and he presented very engaged and interested in what I had to say and I enjoyed his company. After dinner we took a walk around FedEx field engaging in more conversation and getting to know one another. But as we were walking, he proceeded to grab my hand! Inside I wanted to scream and snatch my hand back.  What was he doing?  I asked him why he was holding my hand and he said, “It just felt comfortable to do.” But I was uncomfortable! It was too much. I was still trying to figure out if I liked him or if I was even attracted to him! I proceeded to switch my water bottle into my other hand to cease the hand
holding!  Because I was not sure of how I felt about him, the hand holding was more of a turn off than something I viewed as sweet or romantic.  I’ve been in plenty of situations in which a man has made a move early and I went with it because there was a mutual attraction and connection. This brother had not connected the dots for me yet!

The following day is when the “courting” conversation took place. He even brought up the notion of not seeing other people! I had to break it down for him. My communication skills were kicking into full effect!  I don’t deem to know the perfect definition or the perfect way to seek out your marriage partner, but I know it's not off the first date. And even then, some people do know quite early when they meet “the one”, but keep it in your head, at least until date number three! There has to be wisdom, discernment, and at least a bit more knowledge about a person than what’s written on her dating profile or your intermittent conversations by telephone.

Although I don't date all “willy nilly”, and I do look to find a potential marriage partner, I’m looking to TAKE MY TIME! As I stated earlier, I have done the rushing and jumping in head first. My head can’t take anymore bruises.  I want a true friendship and to know your last name first! I want the time given to allow me to become comfortable with who you are.  And I am absolutely not shutting down the opportunity to date other people off of one date. I'm not looking to be tied down off of an idea and fantasy a man conjures up through conversation with me.  I want the relationship to flow naturally and organically and absolutely by God and not emotions!

This brother had my communication skills working in over drive, but I appreciated it. It helped me to say out loud what I desired and needed from him and men in general. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. I refuse to be insane! I claim my complete sanity and a healthy, non-rushed, organically and spiritually built relationship.

After a few more conversations regarding our status and relationship it was determined that friends we would be, and I am ok with that! I spoke up for myself and didn't allow myself to get sucked into a potentially unhealthy situation and relationship.  I want to thank God and my therapist for helping me get to this place in my life! LOL, but so serious!