Sunday, May 24, 2015

She MUST be Crazy!

"Is she married?" my mom asked.

I recently had a cookout over my house for Memorial Day weekend and many of my friends were in attendance, particularly my female friends. I'm proud of my friends and the accomplishments they have achieved. Many are teachers, lawyers, counselors, personal trainers, speech therapists, podiatrists, music therapist, occupational therapist, etc. Amazing, educated, intelligent, strong, and saved women with great careers who come in all shapes and sizes of beautiful! And we are all single!

As my mother and I sat on the couch, she began to ask about all of my friends, inquiring about their marital status.

"So what's wrong with them?" She said.

By now you guys know, my mother says ANYTHING!! However, in this case, she was only saying what every other person thinks, and what every man probably believes!

After everyone departed from the cookout, I noticed my brother had the Comedy Central channel on that night. Kevin Hart featuring the Plastic Cup Boys special was on and I decided to sit and watch. One of the comedians came on in which he began to tell a joke about single women. He did a roll call to find out who the single women were in the audience. He called for all single women who had "good" jobs, then no kids, then who could cook, and finally who lived alone. Each roll call, the claps and screams got quieter. The last few claps trickled in as he called for all of the above. Then he declared, "Now fellas, those must be the crazy ones!"

I laughed out loud, then caught myself. There is truth in EVERY joke! That moment when the truth joke hits home! It is said, if a woman is beautiful, educated, works, cooks, has no kids, and is still single, she has to be crazy!  When did this stereotype come to fruition? Why does it have to be? Now I'm sure that there are some women who fit the bill of crazy, but believe me, being single with a job and no kids is not the only criteria! And truth be told, everyone has a little crazy deep down inside them. But lets back up. We use the word crazy so loosely to describe what we don't understand or don't have the patience to deal with.  Crazy is defined by Webster as full of cracks or flaws, being out of the ordinary, passionately preoccupied, or absurdly fond. 

Would I call my friends crazy? Absolutely! They are women who are full of cracks and flaws. No one is perfect and they are striving each day to grow into a whole woman, not just to be someone's wife, but just to be their full and healthy selves.  They are out of the ordinary. Each one of them is different with various gifts and talents that God is using to make amazing impacts on the lives of others. They are passionately preoccupied and absurdly fond of life! They travel on a consistent basis and are pursuing their passions without apology. I have a friend who just published a book, another who is about to take over her own podiatry practice, and the sky is the limit for all of us!

There are so many factors that go into a women being single. Another message moment: Some women actually CHOOSE to be single for their own personal reasons. Not many that I know, but its true! And for those who believe in God, He has many of us on reserve as he molds us into the diamonds he desires us to be.

I know for me, I am single right now because I am a poor communicator.  Yes, I am college educated, have a great career, make "good" money, own my own home, would consider myself attractive, and have a descent personality, yet I AM SINGLE.  I have lacked the ability to communicate my feelings effectively and shut down when things don't go the way I desire in my previous relationships. I engage in protest behavior to seek attention because I lacked it during childhood. I place expectations that are almost impossible for the man to achieve, and therefore I've not found a man who is patient enough to deal with and walk with me so that we may grow together. I own what I know to be true for me when it comes to me being single.

At this point in my life, whenever I start to date again, I will absolutely be ready to answer the question, "So why are you still single?" I will absolutely answer without apology. I am not ashamed of my singleness and I embrace it like never before. Marrying the first random guy that comes along, and settling for less than the best that God has for you because you fear being alone, that is crazy in the negative sense! I'd rather be single than unhappily married.  I am sure my friends would agree, hence why they are all still single too! So I embrace being "crazy", or as Webster would put it, "full of cracks or flaws, being out of the ordinary, passionately preoccupied, and absurdly fond [of life]."

I'm just waiting to fall crazy in love with the one who accepts, prays for, embraces, endures, adores, and loves all of crazy ME! :)