Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Approach is EVERYTHING!!

"What's your name?" he said.

I had just come out of Target and was placing my items in the backseat of my car. As I was bent over, in the corner of my eye, I could see someone approaching my car rather closely. My first thought: I should've let my dad buy me that mace he's always talking about. My second thought: "I'm about to get robbed and I really like this new "Welcome mat" I just bought. I hope he doesn't try to take that!"

After I realized he was not going to rob me, but was trying to "holla" at me, the third thought crossed my mind and then came out of my mouth.

"Do you always approach women like this? It's a bit scary!" I said.

He smiled in a very nonchalant way. There was no smile on my face. I quickly put the rest of my items in the car and walked around toward my drivers side door. As I walked, he continued to try and engage me in conversation by asking if I lived in the area. I gave him very empty and short answers to proclaim my non-interest loud and clear. As I entered to sit in my drivers side seat, he proceeded to approach my car and slightly stepped in front of my door. Sir! I am fresh off of the Mayweather fight, and unlike Pacquiao, I WILL land a few upper cuts if need be! He was coming entirely too close and presenting very aggressive. Although his tone in which he spoke was very soft and subtle, his body language was scaring me more than intriguing me.  It was a complete turn off! I wasn't interested!

Now I've never been one of those females who finds pleasure in shooting men down when they approach me. From talking to several men and close friends, I understand the struggle and fear men have in approaching women. You are taking a chance for a let down, and depending on the woman, a demolishing to your ego, pride, and self-esteem.  I get it! So I try to look at as flattery. I aim to be as nice as possible without giving the false assumption that I may be interested if I truly am not.

But approach is EVERYTHING! When the first feeling I get when a man approaches me is to grip my purse or I have a slight fear for my life, that's not going to get you a date! Brother man was extremely too aggressive and made me feel more uncomfortable than comfortable. And here is the thing, he wasn't an unattractive man. He was actually comfortably and appropriately dressed, nice dred locks, smooth skin, and even had a nice smile. Yes, even in my fear, I peeped him all the way out! I had to know who I was going to report to the police just in case things did go another way! LOL

Let's replay the scenario. If he would of waited until I had placed my items in my car, and as I approached my driver's side door, from a comfortable distance, he could have approached and simply engaged me in conversation. I would have felt more comfortable, safe, and in control of my environment.

With this incident, it made me think. When was the last time a man legitimately approached me in a public place? It made me remember why I went to online dating. Has the concept of public approach been lost? Are we fully migrating to cyber space meeting? And believe me, if what I experienced is how men are approaching these days, then online it is!

But I remembered going out a few months ago to a 30s and over lounge with a friend. I was approached by several gentleman, all over the age of forty. Each was very gentle and simply asked if I wanted to dance, or engaged in conversation and offered to buy me a drink. No aggression, no pressure. It was lovely!

So is it an age thing? Is is a culture thing? Many men of various cultures come off way more aggressive than others. Whatever it may be, gentleman approach is EVERYTHING!

I always dream of meeting my husband in the grocery store, or in line at the bank! Random, but I am so serious! The everyday meet and greet is a desire. Ask me what kind of cheese do I like, or simply do you come to this bank often? The simple things with the right approach will get you a long way! No hiding behind a computer profile sifting through photos wondering what they really look like.   But back to the old fashion ways. Is that too much to ask?

Just a word to the wise. Fellas, woman actually do enjoy when you approach us in public. We just desire the proper respect and the approach that makes us feel comfortable enough to allow you in our space. And ladies, we must soften up on the men and be open to their approach when out in public. It takes a lot of nerve and guts to approach us with chances of being shut down and we really don't make it easy on them.

Remember: Approach is EVERYTHING!