Grass Not Always Greener!

“The devil will always send you counterfeits,” she said.

I had some ladies over the house this weekend for a book club and of course the topic of dating and men came up. It’s just what we talk about! LOL

I’ve been struggling the last week or so with the whole dating thing and entertaining the right guys. As a Christian, which I’ve been for over 15 years, it's just hard! No easy way to put it. No simple way to say it.  Dating as a Christian is not as black and white as many may present it to be.  I’m at the point now that I have thoughts and play out scenarios in my mind of how life would be if I wasn’t a Christian. In the grass is greener type scenario, it seems like dating would go so much smoother if I wasn’t a Christian. Life would be so much easier. I could even venture to say that I might have even been married by now if I wasn’t a Christian. Now would I be happy or still married? That would be the REAL question.

I play it out like this. If I meet a guy that I am attracted to and we vibe on all levels, I don't have to entertain the whole religion and relationship with Christ piece. I can go with the flow and even entertain sexual desires if I like WITHOUT conviction! I don't have to spell out why I am celibate and waiting until marriage! No worrying about what God would think, say, or do.  Just really doing me and really being free! Right??

My struggle has come in to play lately with the men that I have recently encountered. Tall, dark, and handsome, because you know that’s the top three list check offs of most women. College educated, great job, great conversation, nice teeth, great family background, and did I mention fine!!

In particular, this one brother I met while in New Orleans had me at hello! If there was an altar and a minister available a sister would have jumped the broom and him at the same time! Just being honest! We talked about EVERYTHING! He was engaged in conversation and legitimately cared about what I

had to say. He was funny, smart, witty, well-rounded, and a gentleman. OK, I could probably talk about him this entire blog. But by now you’re probably asking, but was the brother saved!? And the answer is, I don’t know! I don't know because I didn't ask!

Ladies, my Christian ladies! If anyone can feel me on this, you can! At this point, sometimes you don’t ask because you just don't want to be disappointed AGAIN! Your checklist is going great and you just don’t want to hear that line, “I’m spiritual not religious,” or “I grew up in the church but church is really not for me.” My heart sinks, I want to scream and lament with ashes on my forehead crying out “Why has thou forsaken me!” They come so close, but no cigar!

Meeting and marrying a Christian man is at the top of my list! It’s a non-negotiable that has become a nuisance! As I’ve gotten older and matured in my walk with Christ, I don’t just desire a man who is a Christian or a church goer, but one who truly seeks after Christ, serves in some capacity of ministry whether that be in or out of church, and can challenge me in my walk with Christ. I don't think that is too much to ask, or is it?

I am tired of turning down great guys because their spiritual lives are either non-existent or exist in a very small capacity. Is there a middle ground? Do I have the capacity to help push a brother along? Who am I to judge? There is such a fine line between judging someone in their walk and simply evaluating progress. For a Christian woman, the questions and evaluation must take place, leave the judgement at the door though. But it's just so hard!!!  

I want to be married. And a wise woman, better known as my mother, would say, “Well act like it!”  Set your non-negotiables and boundaries up and allow God to lead you as you navigate through this dating life. Many times we will hit forks in the road. Many times its the hardest decision to choose the road less traveled, but it's apart of this Christian journey.

I’m not looking for a bible thumping, holy ghost rolling, in church 7 days a week, missionary brother whose idea of a good time is speaking in tongues and watching Benny Hinn on a Friday night. Just because I am a minister does not mean I am looking to be with a man who is. But I am looking for a man who I can talk to about spiritual issues and struggles, have a discussion about a sermon that was preached, and simply ask for prayer when needed. I don't mind him being a little rough around the edges though either!

It all boils down to seeking, listening, and adhering to the Holy Spirit. He’s our guide. And although I’ve been in my emotion of frustration this last week, I can acknowledge that I am not ashamed of my Christianity or my calling as a minister. Although the grass looks extremely greener some days in the world society, I wouldn’t denounce my Christianity for anything! Being a Christian has saved my life and Christ has changed my life for the better!  I simply just have my moments.  I stay open to getting to know people and allow the Holy Spirit to reveal and illuminate the true identity and character of the person I date or entertain.

And I wouldn't call any of the men I have encountered and dated counterfeits. I see them as vehicles to increase my spiritual sensitivity, discernment, and awareness. Most of the time they are being their authentic self while we are trying to mask, cover up and front! I'm just saying!