“We need to get back to sanctification,” she said.
I decided to press my way out to prayer this past Monday night. I was having a bit of a rough day and just needed to get into the presence of God. Cry, wail, just something to bring relief to my spirit. I felt a bit bogged down. Feeling like, the moment you declare that you will do better and will strive to change some of your ways, it's as if the devil is sitting, kicking his feet, waiting to test you in any possible way! I failed a test. A clear, you know better, how could you fall for the same old thing, kind of test. It was a familiar place that I approached from a naive state of mind. I even shocked myself. Kind of one of those out of body experiences. And although I’m in a place in my spiritual walk where I know the power of repentance and forgiveness, the guilt and shame still weigh on me every now and again. And Monday was that day!
As our pastor was teaching, it was like a literal light bulb came on in my mind, body, and spirit. That's it! I must get back to sanctifying myself. Setting myself apart for God. I’ve been wrestling with God concerning doing more fasting and simply being more sensitive to his spirit, and lo and behold, that was the topic for Monday nights teachings! And to top it off, our pastor asked me to pray on “having a clear conscience.” I almost laughed out loud! Lady, that’s what I came in need of prayer for and now you want me to pray that for others? If I ever doubted that God was a comedian, he confirmed his comedic side that night! And being as how I was afraid to say no, I prayed. And the crying began! But God spoke! As I prayed, he ministered and reminded me that he loved me. It was time for me to purify and sanctify myself. I am forgiven, but there is still work to be done.
I’ve been back on the dating scene for a few weeks and have gone out on several dates. And although I've enjoyed going out and meeting new people, working on my communication skills, it was getting old and redundant, AGAIN! Spending my time checking messages and profiles, trying to keep up with who I gave my number to and texting my life away, let’s just say I am over it.com, AGAIN!! In my mind I was ready to get back out there, and emotionally I am healed from the last relationship, but it just became overwhelming. I was hitting dead ends, AGAIN.
And here's the thing, I would definitely pray about each person I would talk to or date, checking in with God for approval, but we all know how that goes. We pick and choose the approval we will take and receive. I would struggle because he's cute and has everything going for him, may not go to church often, or at all, but he has a job, nice teeth, and a great personality! Or, they go to church and love God but you'e just not that attracted to them, no sparks to be found. I just can't win! Frustrating is the word of choice! It's definitely time to check back in with God!
And here's the thing, I would definitely pray about each person I would talk to or date, checking in with God for approval, but we all know how that goes. We pick and choose the approval we will take and receive. I would struggle because he's cute and has everything going for him, may not go to church often, or at all, but he has a job, nice teeth, and a great personality! Or, they go to church and love God but you'e just not that attracted to them, no sparks to be found. I just can't win! Frustrating is the word of choice! It's definitely time to check back in with God!
I don’t even remember the last time I legitimately did a fast. One where I didn't give up after day one because simply going without food after twelve noon was a struggle! The job was having a potluck and I just had to partake! Those donuts that my patient brought in I just had to eat! Even social media. I mean, I need to be on social media to constantly frustrate myself with all the new marriages, engagements, and baby announcements, or NOT! Its time to fast. I decided to limit my time on social media for the time being as well as the dating sites (AGAIN...lol) and restricting my diet to certain foods and setting time limits. I need to clear my head and spirit and increase my sensitivity to the spirit that leads and guides my life. Not just about dating, but life in general. Although this blog is mainly about dating, my life is so much bigger than my dating life. Sometimes God has to remind of that from time to time. My father misses me and I need that quality time with Him. I can't pour out and share with others if I am not getting filled by Him. And I definitely can't recognize my husband if I am constantly clouded by counterfeits!There’s a song by Zacardi Cortez that fits my sentiments exactly. The lyrics say this:
I just need my one on one time with you,
With no interruptions I just want it
to be me and you
I need a one on one
I just need one on one with you
I just need my one on one time with you
I, might be selfish but I
I just can't help it when it comes down
to you
Im down on my knees waiting to hear from you,
I have so many questions that I need answers to,
I need a one on one
I just need one on one with you,
I know its been a long time since you heard from me,
but if you just give me a lil' time, I promise I won't be long
I just need my one on one, I know I walked away
but I’m coming back to stay, with you
I'm coming back to you, to you
I'm coming back to you, to you
I lift my hand to you
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